09.17.05
San Francisco
(Note: Originally written 25 Nov, 2003)
Just saw the Biography Channel’s “Dark Stars” episode on Janis Joplin. And now I have what I think is her best work ever cranked up. Big Brother and the Holding Company “Cheap Thrills”.
40 years ago, San Francisco was the stuff of legend. Haight and Ashbury was the place to be. People like Jefferson Airplane and Janis found their way to themselves in San Francisco. Some would argue that Janis never really found herself and that’s why she died of an overdose in an LA hotel room after finishing the recording for “Pearl.”
Tragic women have always been heroes to me for some reason. Billie Holiday, Janis Joplin. They had completely f*ed up lives and searched for happiness in drugs, alcohol and sex. But their legacy overshadows that somehow. We’ll never know if they would have gone from tragic hero to pathetic has-beens had they lived. And that’s sort of the beauty and the tragedy of their short lives. The way they lived, what they believed in and how they died leaves a romantic tinge. Both so talented, both tragically insecure and low on self-esteem running from one substance to another trying to shove the pain so far down, it’ll never come back.
The romance of the 60’s and the Summer of Love has left a romantic legend about the artists and the city that lived through it that just cannot be lived up to anymore. When I walked through the Tenderloin, that’s what I realized. San Francisco has this legend it’s desperately trying to live up to and just can’t. It seems like people are flocking there to capture something that just doesn’t exist anymore, which is sad for all of us.
All through her history, San Francisco has been brazen, going her own way with a “damned if I care” attitude and while still one of the most (thankfully) liberal cities in the US, the old girl isn’t what she used to be. And those seeing her as a mecca to recapture themselves may be disappointed. I think people expect to be mesmerized but aren’t and so try to make up for it by doing all the turista things which shoves the disappointment away for a while. It’s almost like you’re not allowed to say anything about San Francisco because you’ll spoil the mystique.
I love living in the Bay Area. I live in the “suburbs” of San Jose, which some people still try to think of as a suburb of San Francisco. I love the diverse cultures, the exposure to different thoughts, foods and ways of life. For the most part, I am accepted for who I am and have better luck finding people to talk to on a daily basis here than just about any other place I’ve been (with the possible exception of Vancouver).
But I don’t think San Francisco’s this big romantic jewel anymore. When NeiceJ and her family visited over the summer, she sat down next to me, took my hand and spoke with the wisdom of a 12-year-old. “I don’t like California.”
“What do you mean? I thought you wanted to come live with me. Does that mean I have to move?”
“No, you don’t have to move, I still want to live with you.”
“Oh, so you’re saying you don’t like San Francisco?”
“Yeah. It’s too crowded and it’s dirty.” Okay, we’re at Pier 39 in August when this conversation is going on. Tourists are all over the place searching for that romance they hear so much about and Pier 39 is beginning to show its age.
But this Girl Scout troop has been all over the City. Chinatown, the cable cars where the lines were so long they gave up, Ghiradelli Square and now, Pier 39. They have walked a lot and they have seen a lot. And when a kid from a small town comes to a big city and doesn’t walk away with one “wow” moment that doesn’t involve her Auntie, there’s something wrong. And I think that’s because San Francisco has lost her romance.
eg said,
September 22, 2005 at 7:31 pm
When I want to celebrate and occasion, or see the ballet, I’d rather be in San Francisco than Cupertino. I wonder what I would have seen if I had visited San Francisco when I was 12 - 1974. I wonder if twelve years from now, I’ll be watching the documentary of an amazing San Francisco of 2005 that was hidden from me. Is the “Summer of Love” equivalent just not happening these days, or is it happening in a more geographically dispersed way – on the web – globally?
Stephanie said,
September 25, 2005 at 12:07 pm
eg: Perhaps the romance is found only in an historical perspective. Since I only know San Francisco from the past 20 years and have to rely on perspectives other than mine for the “Summer of Love,” you could very well be right.
I think how exciting it must have been to be a part of what was happening then. But then, there are exciting, romantic histories of San Francisco during the Barbary Coast era.
There are very important historical things happening on our beloved City by the Bay today. Mayor Gavin Newsom has seen to that by living up to San Francisco’s “cutting edge” politics. Gay marriages, anti-sweatshop legislation for purchase the city government makes, and many other decisions that reach outside the city itself.
It’s hard to see the romanticism of San Francisco when walking through The Tenderloin, or looking for parking somewhere near the theatre district or the opera house.
Forest for the trees syndrome maybe?